When I was in middle school I was very shy and introverted. I wasn’t one to confidently approach someone I didn’t know and start a conversation. I didn’t make friends easily at all and was never confident when it came to taking the lead in group projects, I always happily left that role for someone else. I also didn’t really enjoy being the center of attention and preferred being on the sidelines rather than in the spotlight. I had been doing piano recitals since the age of 10 but was always very nervous about performing in front of people and wouldn’t be able to make it through the song without making countless mistakes. I also had a literal “running” gag of making a run for it off the stage after I finished playing to avoid the unwanted attention. The bottom line is I battled stage fright for a long time and just never felt comfortable in the spotlight.
But I always loved attending plays and musical performances as a member of the audience. I remember going to see “Joseph and the Technicolored Dream Coat” at a local theater when I was 12, seeing a Christmas orchestra concert downtown and watching my fellow middle school classmates put on a production of “Honk Jr.” I enjoyed seeing these shows so much that I secretly wanted to be on that stage myself more than anything. From the audience perspective it looked so fun and easy to act, sing and dance on a stage and have everyone applaud fore you. But being on that stage myself with everyone staring at me just made me too nervous and scared. I also didn’t have much confidence in myself and always thought other people were better than me and didn’t think I had the talent to be in a show. In addition I struggled with a bad stutter at the time and couldn’t usually get through a sentence without stumbling over consonant sounds, especially at the beginning of my sentences. This also made my dream of becoming an actress seem impossible because it would have been really difficult to recite my lines without sporadic stuttering. Because of these issues I just never thought being on stage was in God’s plan for me at all. That was until one night when my dream came true in a very unexpected place.
It was a Wednesday night in late autumn and I was in my 8th grade confirmation class at my small church in Ohio. We were all sitting at a table and our youth leader, Owen came over with a piece of paper and a pen. He told us that the 5th and 6th grade youth leaders were organizing a Christmas pageant and looking for some extra actors and actresses. “So if you are interested in acting,” Owen explained, “Write your name on this sign up sheet.” I wanted to do it so much but was still unsure if I would be good at acting and felt nervous about performing in front of people, especially if I was just going to stutter the whole time.. But this voice inside of me kept telling me that I needed to sign up and this was my big chance. So I worked up every ounce of courage I had inside of me and hesitantly wrote my name on that sign up sheet. I then went home that night and did not even tell my parents I signed up for the Christmas pageant because I was too embarrassed.. They had to find out at church the following weekend from the youth leaders themselves. My parents were definitely surprised that I wanted to do it but were supportive. My brother Mark who was in the 5th and 6th grade class was also going to be in the pageant. So it was easy and convenient for them to take me to rehearsals along with him. Mark was going to play the role of Joseph.
I ended up playing the role of Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist and cousin of Mary and only had one line in the whole pageant, “Blessed are you among all women and blessed is the savior that you carry.” But I also got to play a few background roles including an angel and an aggravated customer in a store at Christmas; the latter of which was where I was really able to shine. My frustrated expression must have been very realistic because one of the youth leaders would always give me an encouraging thumbs up whenever I would do it in rehearsals. I also got to practice my one speaking role consistently in rehearsals which was very helpful because the repetition made it easy to memorize it and be able to say it without stuttering.
The Sunday morning of the pageant I definitely felt nervous because this was my first experience with acting and I kept worrying that I would forget my one line once I got on stage or stutter when reciting it in front of everyone. But I once again worked up all of my courage and got up there to do everything I had practiced for weeks. My first parts were just the background roles where I didn’t have lines so I just did the best I could to look aggravated as the store customer and peaceful for the angel. Then when the time came for me to play Elizabeth I got up there and kind of froze up a bit. As the girl playing Mary recited her line I started to get nervous and wondered if I would even be able to get my words out with how dry my mouth felt or if I would just stutter through it. That’s when I noticed a familiar face in the audience smiling at me, the main Pastor at our church. When it came time to recite my line I just looked at Pastor Doug and got the words right out clearly with no stuttering at all! Just focusing on one person while I was speaking really got me through it and made me feel less nervous. After the pageant ended a lot of people came up to me and told me what a great job I did. Owen even gave me a high five. This is the thing I love about that small church, people are always cheering each other on, have each other’s backs and are just super kind and supportive. You always feel encouraged to keep going with whatever you’re doing every time you’re there.
I know I definitely felt encouraged to keep acting in plays. After I did the Christmas pageant at my church I took “Intro to Theater and Acting” as my first elective the following year in high school. Through this class I learned about the history of theater, was taught the basics of the stage and got to act in short scenes and plays. I even got to deliver a monologue for my final exam. The class was a lot of work and very much out of my comfort zone. But it was well worth it when I auditioned for a play the following summer at a local theater and ended up with a lead role!! I did three shows that summer and never stuttered once! I continued to participate in summer theatre productions for the remainder of my high school career and took an advanced acting class my junior year. Aside from theater I also sang in the school choir and took voice lessons. Through the voice lessons I got to sing in many recitals and participated in a Solo and Ensemble Contest at my school where I received excellent and superior ratings for vocal solo. In addition I also made the Tri-M Music Honorary at my school and got to sing in a new member’s recital. Between being in theater productions and voice lessons I really got used to being on stage and found that the more I did it the easier it became. As a result I overcame my stage fright and now love performing on stage. It’s amazing to think this all got started with a church Christmas pageant. I guess you just never know what will happen when you take a chance. Had I not signed up for my church Christmas pageant when I was in 8th grade I would never be where I am today and would probably still have stage fright. So I guess my point in all of this is never be afraid to take that first step because it could change your life as it did for me.
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